| To delegate some of my wasted time. |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|06:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  delving | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | nirvana | ] |
I went fishing.
I fished for almost an hour with not so much as a nibble.
then it happened,
i found my mojo.
and it all came together
I found my mojo
and it all came together
I found myself feeling like a porn star, saying out loud "bite my worm, bitch"
"eat it"
its a nice feeling. |
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| I AM A PIECE OF SHIT |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|01:56 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dxm is bad mkay? | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | im gonna burn this whole world dowwwwnnnnnnn | ] |
never ever and forever
I don't feel like sharing these thoughs
so this is a proxy
pretend that they are there and are evoking your emotion and ability to relate to my utter fucking face
that you can relate to me having such emotion right now but it being too personal to share with anyone on this blog.
fuck
I gotta channel this |
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| what a day, and a feeling |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|11:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  watching, drinking | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | from hell | ] |
Today we had a thunderstorm. I went to price chopper to return the 4 garbage bags of beer cans I had in my trunk for some well recieved monetary compensation. I got a salad and a spinache? bagel. then I went to tacohell n got a crunchy taco supreme n a water. I sat on one of the grassy knoll in the price chopper parking lot watching the storm approach. The most peacefull moment ive had in a while..............
I raced home when I realied I should be there. I got there and the need was unrealized.
I wish I had stayed in that open space. |
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|
| yesterday |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|07:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  i have a fever | ] |
was a day, as many are.
It was the "last" day of clinical and I was on the floor in labor+delivery.
Luckily this really nice girl said it would be ok for me to observe.
If I had been any more sick/febrile in that already heated room I'm sure I would have syncopized.
I watched the entire delivery and it was awesome.
what more to say? |
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| welcome back, I kept your seat warm. |
[May. 31st, 2005|09:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  I have to pee | ] |
Today was my second to last day of clinical. well, actually I should already be done, but I missed a few days and have to make them up. I didn't even know why I wanted to do this on my way there. I wanted to not go. I wanted to drive right past that parking garage and back to my house, but I didn't. I wanted to turn around before I got to albany and before it was too late. I wanted to got straight to the top of that garage and go right back out the way I came in, but I didn't. I sat in my car after I parked for 10 minutes trying to think out a solid reason not to go in, not to show up, NIN pumping into my head, I just wanted to scream and beat on things, I just wanted to pull an exit. I even got inside thinking I was just going to tell my adjunct I was quitting, or maybe talk it out...... The opportunity never presented itself and I found myself @clinical, on the floor, once again. The whole I will go with it and see where it leads thing took over and it wasnt as bad anymore........I don't know how to explain it. Im just so fucking Anti.
Pediatrics is a nice floor. There are plenty of beautiful children and pretty nurses. I hate myself for saying that, pretty nurses. Why wont my cock do what I tell it to do? I fucking hate this. I am me, not you. Do what I say, shut the fuck up, and stay the fuck down. God.
I desire to do, not just be.
This is really getting irritating. Its almost like I need an intervention. Fuckit, I do need an intervention, I guess the real question is can I do it myself?
The only reason I type in here is bacause I desire to make friends. probably a pretty futile act. |
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| closed or open door |
[May. 23rd, 2005|07:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  eh | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none | ] |
I have been drinking nightly for longer than i can remember now. my liver often hurts
i like with teeth very much but i have the feeling it might be recieved the same way the fragile was.
I want to move near the ocean so i can catch my food instead of having to buy it. anyone got any ideas?
is there anyone here? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|12:50 am] |
hi its me. noone cares but im still here. singular instances of great expressionism make ME go a big rubbery one.
i love you all
even the ones i seem to hate.................fuckers , eat shit and die |
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| Now why would I think I could haxor into your pants??? |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|03:57 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ????????? | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | badger badger badger badger badger | ] |
sqander squander squander squander
squander squander squander squander
squander squander squander squander
mushroom mushroom X4
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| today I |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|08:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | stuffy sinuses | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | clacking keys typing | ] |
I heard a knock on the door.
I opened the door.
it was an authority.
an authority with a purpose
a purpose provided by me
me and my actions
i was told i was in trouble
i was guilty of neglect
neglect of my own creation
my own creation and the idea that I could maintain it
The authority was from the NLJCPA
or the Neglected Live Journal Children Protection Association for those of you whom are not familiar
perhaps this is an attempt to rectify
fuck.
I kind of want warmer weather to come so i can go rollerblading or fishing. This winter has been a total let down as far as snow fall goes and I am almost willing to give up on the idea of snow coming...........
anyone have any good ideas for investing or saving money? I am always poor and I hate it.
-intermission |
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